Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
