dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
bring money and cleavage
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
