glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
