Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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