one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
