it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
