guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
