i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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