there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
