I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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