"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
