Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
