I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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