I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
