It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
