Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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