we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
