what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
