based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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