so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
barbara walters just said penis...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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