We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
