I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
