That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
