ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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