I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
