you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
