I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
