i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
