Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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