evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
