is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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