lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
