Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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