at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
