Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The power of my boobs compel you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
