she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
