The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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