i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
