no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
