it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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