I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
