I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
