These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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