I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My bed smells like the plague
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
