He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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