He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
