I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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