and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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