They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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