This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
