He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
