I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
