I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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