A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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