Plan B is the new Plan A
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my shit smells like andre
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
